By the time you read this, our new US President is on the job and probably wondering why he went through all that trouble to get it. Let’s face it, the guy has his work cut out for him. Being President of the US is not some cushy walk in the park job like, say, civilian squadron communications officer. That’s my job, by the way, and no, I’m not giving the money back.
Yes, news does indeed travel fast in this age of technology. It’s not like the old days, when events from home were not known until well after the fact. For example, if you try to talk about 9/11 here, you are met with puzzled looks. That is because over here it is known as 11/21.
But the inauguration of our new president was broadcast live over Armed Forces Network Television (Motto: “if ‘Deal or No Deal’ gets canceled we’re not going to have anything to show”). My alarm clock went off at 2:30am so I could watch it, although by the time I was actually able to get out of bed, the First Couple was already on their third ball.
I kid, of course. I watched the whole thing. Much was made of then-President-Elect Obama’s taking the oath on Abraham Lincoln’s bible, but Vice-President-Not-Elected-But-If-The-Other-Guy-Dies-I’m-Da-Man Joe Biden was not to be outdone, taking his oath on Bill Clinton’s autographed first-edition copy of Gay Talese’s “Thy Neighbor’s Wife.” Thus, tradition was served twice.
It turns out that lots of people like to turn out for this sort of thing. The aerial photos made it look like the world’s largest mosh pit. I think I even saw Al Gore body-surfing over the crowd. Or maybe it was just the Met-Life blimp in a cardigan sweater. It was kind of hard to tell from the angle.
There were the pre-inaugural festivities with Aretha Franklin’s stirring version of “My Country ‘Tis of Thee” which was only marred by her bad spelling (“L-I-B-E-R-T-E! Find out what it means to me!”) and a stirring classical piece performed – well, only sort of, it turns out – by violinist Itzhak “Isaac” Perlman, cellist Yo Mama, and two other guys whose names I didn’t catch, maybe the surviving Beatles or somebody. Anyway, it was very moving.
Finally, following the classical music performance, somebody woke the President-Elect up and he strolled to the podium where US Supreme Court Chief Justice John “Jon” Roberts told him to raise his right hand – no, your OTHER right hand – and a hush fell over the nation as Barack Hussein Osama bin-Laden Ayatollah Khomeni Adolf Hitler Attila the Hun Sean Hannity Obama took the oath of office.
Homesick Blues – This was followed by a speech that clocked in at around 18 minutes, pretty short by presidential standards. I think Bill Clinton is still giving his, some Secret Service guys had to muscle him off the podium. One of his original attendees had died on the spot, his wasted skeletal frame frozen in time. He appears to have been looking at his watch.
The inaugural parade was a site to behold, all sorts of marching bands from all over the country, but no Santa Claus or Snoopy balloons were to be seen, so all in all, as a parade I thought it kind of sucked.
As it turns out, the Chief Justice got the oath wrong and, instead of being President of the United States, Barack Obama was accidentally sworn in as City Records Clerk of Kalamazoo, Michigan.
They got it right the next day, and Barack Obama left Kalamazoo with only a 34% approval rating but, to be fair and given the short amount of time he was there, he wasn’t able to get much filing done. Let’s hope things work out a little better for him in his new job.
